


When We Accept Responsibility Together

by mymindismyweapon



Series: The ties that bind you together [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Healing through togetherness, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sibling Love, Tags May Change, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymindismyweapon/pseuds/mymindismyweapon
Summary: This is a spin-off of sorts from my other works, "He Came Back" & "No Individual Stronger than the Collective." It will contain all of the side-stories I will come up with for the siblings! Since the other two works are in the perspective of Vanya and Five, these will be in the perspective of the other sibs. It might contain relationship fluff, or just plain family love. Who knows! Enjoy!
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Grace Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Allison & Ben & Diego & Klaus & Luther & Vanya, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: The ties that bind you together [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607140
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	When We Accept Responsibility Together

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Ben POV chapter... it takes place during chapter 8 of "He Came Back" (the first family meeting) if you want to re-read it (though not necessary for you to understand what's happening in this story). Enjoy!

“You must learn to use the power you have to subdue their presence against them. Manipulate their urges and motivations. _Control_ them, Number Six!” His father coached fervently from the safety of the fiberglass booth that was set into the corner of the gym for this particular situation; the kind where he was losing control. Again.

The long, vigorous tentacles flailed erratically around the high ceilinged area, their length growing long enough that they almost reached the rafters that were 20 feet up. They not only grew in length, but bulged as if flexing their otherworldly brawn in resistance of him. It stretched the portal in his abdomen painfully. 

He could never explain the sensation of another dimension existing in his belly. There weren’t words on his sheltered planet to describe the pressure it caused on every organ and bone in his body, as well as the mental strain it had on his young human brain. 

He knew how badly they wanted to rip him apart. This wasn’t the case of a master and his beast as his father believed. Not even a host and their parasite as his siblings understood. No… perhaps a master and their slave. Ben’s life relied on the whim of the Eldritch creature. He was the only thing between them and their bloody destiny. Only the possibility of the portal closing held their plans at bay. 

It would be easy for the creature on the other side to just twitch a tentacle too far one way and tear him in half. Ending him. He knew it was true because it told him so. It didn’t necessarily open its mouth and explain in gory detail. No. It was worse. Somehow it relayed its thoughts to his body in a way that caused every nerve and every molecule to understand the terror of its capability. Again, another aspect of his “power” he couldn’t explain in a way that could be understood. 

So when his father attempted to train Ben in order to train the Eldritch Horror, it didn't work. Because his father couldn’t possibly fathom the fact that he doesn’t have any power over the dimensional being protruding from his body. The only thing he had some control over was that he was alive. Yes, they could kill him whenever they pleased, but he was the living vessel that housed their window into another world that they could exploit for their innate desire to kill. And Reginald Hargreeves gave them many opportunities to meet their needs. 

Unfortunately, Ben had realized since their very first mission, when he released the monsters on those unfortunate bank robbers, that their thirst for death intensified with every summoning. That every time Luther urged him to do his part on the team, or his father demanded that he exercise what he believed was mastery over Ben’s beast, he was nudging The Horror’s self-control closer to inexistence. 

Ben grunted under the pressure of their display of dominance, as that was definitely what was happening. Ben knew it, Reginald did not. 

“Number Six!” Sir Reginald barked, “You are their master! Control them!”

He fell to one knee. Just the weight of their presence was enough to nearly knock him onto his back. The fleshy, dark arms thrashed around, throwing Ben onto his side as they collided with the flexible barrier around Reginald, writhing in frustration that they couldn't reach him and destroy him. If he didn't do something, they would eventually use their brute strength to get to his father or they would release themselves from within Ben and wreak havoc on the entire world. They weren't quiet when they were having a moment like this. They didn't care if he knew. It was their choice to retreat.

And past experience had only ever taught him that the closer the threat of his death was, the sooner they relented. 

So Ben stopped trying to hold his body upright and let their tantrum throw him back against the wall, his limbs flopping about like he was a ragdoll. With the multiple tentacles twisting in all directions, his body had no choice but to follow its movements. He flew from side to side, and up and down, until it wedged him into a corner of the gymnasium and he could only hope that the cement walls wouldn’t fold him in like a hotdog bun. 

He grunted, trying to catch his breath again but found it hard between the pressure the monster was creating and the solid, unmovable wall behind him, crushing his torso. He only vaguely felt the soreness in his back from the earlier impact as his vision blurred with the lack of oxygen. 

Maybe this was finally it. He would die right in front of his father. Despite the fact that he hoped it would end like this so Reginald Hargreeves could watch Ben be killed for his lack of care and _hopefully_ feel some regret for his decision, Ben still sensed the satisfaction he would gain from that being overshadowed by shame for disappointing his guardian. 

He could never understand how a man so cold and unsympathetic had such control over a group of superpowered children. They hated him, yet… they yearned for his approval. There was nothing to gain other than validation. Perhaps he would understand when he got older. Or in this case, when he died and some divine being could explain it to him. 

As the ache in his chest faded with the harsh, fluorescent light of the gym, he realized that he must have convinced the Eldritch Horror that he was indeed dying, because his body slumped onto the floor with the lack of influence from a stronger force and the pressure disappeared. 

He laid on the floor for awhile, allowing the oxygen he breathed in gratefully to replenish all the cells in his body, and allow his consciousness to slowly bring him back to the living world. It also brought to light all the aches in his body from the beating it took. Unfortunately, Ben’s body believed that wasn’t enough suffering for him as it also ushered in the familiar heaviness of the beast’s feelings of regret for allowing him to live again. His gut twisted with anxiety. 

He faintly felt hands on his face, checking for a pulse along his neck and then their routine map of the rest of his body for any broken bones. Grace patted his cheek and gently lifted him into her arms like he was a small boy again. His training was ending more and more like this, and he didn’t know how much more he could take before it ended for good. 

~*~*~

Grace tucked him into his bed and placed a soft kiss along his brow. He could imagine the sweet smile on her lips as she did it, stirring the disquiet in his gut further. 

The door to his room shut and he was left with silence. Something they all believed he needed when situations like this happened. He just needed rest. He needed peace and quiet so he could recover. He needed to regain his strength. 

His thoughts clouded his mind and he squeezed his stinging eyes closed, pushing down the panic he felt clawing its way to the surface. 

He _needed_ to find a way to banish the creature living in his gut so he didn’t become the reason for a giant, interdimensional monster ravaging the city and killing his family. He _needed_ his father and siblings to understand that this wasn’t a power that he had, but a curse, and using it for their vigilante purposes was only putting the very world they were trying to save at risk. He _needed_ more of a reason to live than just housing the Eldritch Horror. Because at this point, his death was the only solution to this problem. 

His tears ran down the sides of his face and pooled in his ears, until he turned onto his side and curled in on his aching body. It hurt to bend his back so hard, but it was the only thing keeping his limbs from shaking uncomfortably. He clenched his muscles, discovering where all the worst injuries were, but knew they would hurt more if he let his body lay slack during his panic attack. 

It wasn’t new and it was expected, but it didn’t help the experience feel any less stressful. He knew that part of the reason they kept coming back, besides his soul-crushing predicament, was the fear of having another. His panic attacks were easy enough to suppress during the rest of his rigid day, because he simply didn’t have time to linger in his thoughts for too long. But when he was left like this, normally on his training days, or at night, when he was alone and without the distraction of another person, they would return with all of the vengeance of the Horror, tentacles squeezing him until there was nothing left inside of him. 

He tried to breathe through his nose and sustain it for four seconds, or any amount of time, like Grace directed, but he couldn’t even get a full breath in, let alone hold it. So, he did his best not to lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen for the second time that day. 

He couldn’t hear anything other than his own respiration when Klaus slipped into his room. Again, it wasn’t unusual for the other boy to impose his presence after Ben’s training. It was only something that began about a year ago when he happened upon the aftermath of Sir Reginald’s pushy exercises. 

The pressure of Klaus’s remedy lay on his legs heavily until his brother spread and rearranged the mass. Blanket upon blanket puffed out above him and landed softly on top of his shaking body until he felt like the bottom layer of one of Grace’s lasagna’s, the heft of the top layers pressing down on him. 

Somehow, that weight was always enough for his legs and arms to feel anchored down enough that he could relax them - that he wouldn’t have to worry about them trembling hard enough that they detached themselves from his body. Maybe if he was limbless, his father would take pity on him and expel him from the Academy. It was hopeless thinking. 

Klaus burrowed down in the blankets beside him and pushed Ben’s sweaty bangs away from his forehead. He continued Ben’s treatment by pressing his thumb against the skin between his eyebrows and kneading it like bread dough. 

Ben didn’t fight Klaus’s tendency to do that anymore. He claimed to have read this particular ministration from a book in the library, insisting that it was “research-based by fancy doctors.” Ben couldn’t say whether it was helpful or not. When Klaus touched him in a way that showed he cared, he thought everything felt better. Perhaps it was the lack of genuine affection from anyone else in the house that made it so powerful. He didn’t know. And he didn’t ask Klaus to stop. 

Eventually, his breathing slowed enough that he could follow Grace’s advice and hold his air for a few seconds and then let it out in one long exhale. Once he got to this stage of his panic attack, he was exhausted and the steady breathing he practiced put him straight to sleep. 

~*~*~

Again, as planned, he woke up with Klaus snoring lightly in his ear. He had a suspicion that Klaus craved human touch as much as he did. He was always hanging on Ben or Five - he knew better than to do that to Luther or Diego - but displayed this affection to their sisters, too. He rarely saw Klaus cling to any adults, including Grace. It was only his siblings he held onto for dear life, like they would disappear at any moment. 

Ben glanced at Klaus observing as his eyelids fluttered behind the loose curls draped messily over his face. He didn’t know how he felt about Klaus. There was something more than just brotherly affection in their interactions. He tightened his grip on Klaus’s fingers as their hands rested quietly beneath the mountain of blankets. 

Ben sighed and craned his neck to see the analog clock on his nightstand. 4:21. It had been an hour since his training. Too long for Pogo to cover for his absence from his afternoon studies. 

He turned back to Klaus and instead of jabbing him with an elbow like he normally would, he let his feelings toward the other boy allow him to be more gentle. He shouldn’t have to hold back when Klaus never did. 

He mimicked his brother’s actions and hesitantly massaged small circles into his forehead, pushing his curls to the side. Klaus shrugged his shoulders as he stirred and pushed forward into Ben’s hand. Ben grinned thinking that he reminded him of a cat and had half a mind to spread his entire hand over the top of his head to give him a proper head massage. He stopped though, knowing that Klaus really needed to get up so he didn’t get in trouble from Father. 

“Klaus, you need to get up.” Ben informed him, removing his hand reluctantly. This was the only good part of his training days; Being close to Klaus. 

Klaus groaned and abruptly stretched his arms above his head, dropping Ben’s hand, and mumbled, “Five more minutes, Mom.”

Ben sighed with exasperation, “You know I’m not mom. Get up before you get in trouble.”

Klaus rolled his head back so he was facing Ben again, “But you woke me up so nicely, just like mom does.”

Being called out for his tenderness sent flames up to burn the skin on his face. He quickly looked away from Klaus’s little smile and stared at the ceiling. He grumbled, “Remind me to throw water on you next time.” 

“Oh, c’mon, Benny. I was just teasing.” Klaus threw the blankets off so he could throw an arm and a leg over top of him and the rest of the blankets. He pressed his forehead against Ben’s cheek and nuzzled him. Again, just like a cat would. His blush deepened. 

“Klaus you really need to go. Dinner will be soon and I bet Dad will notice you being gone soon if he hasn’t already.” 

“You know, I think dear old daddy is warming up to the idea of me…” he paused to stroke his non-existent beard, “...being gone every once in a while.” 

Ben gave him a deadpan look and said, “You know that will never be true.”

Klaus threw his head back into the pillows and sighed loudly. “Can’t a boy dream, Benjamin?” 

“Not if Dad kills you.”

“At least I would be free.” Klaus said dreamily, too consumed by his own dramatizations to notice that Ben had gone pale. All of the blood drained from him with the thought of their conversation bringing back the reason he had a panic attack to begin with. He clenched the blankets in his hands and willed himself not to be sick. The knots returned so he turned over and curled into a ball. 

“I could be like all my ghosty friends and -” Klaus’s rant paused as Ben assumed he noticed his withdrawal. 

Ben didn’t want him to worry more than he knew Klaus already did, so he said, “You should go Klaus. I want to sleep some more.” He knew his voice shook but he closed his eyes hoping Klaus got the point. He didn’t. Of course not. 

Klaus hugged him from behind, curling around his smaller body like a cocoon. “Are the big baddies bothering you again?” He whispered quietly by Ben’s ear. He wasn’t trying to be funny anymore. His voice was too strained for that. This was the type of affection that confused him. Ben didn’t _really_ want Klaus to leave. Ever. 

His throat tightened and he swallowed painfully, tears being pushed to the surface for more than one reason. But he told Klaus anyway, “I don’t know how much time I have left.” 

This wasn’t the first time he told Klaus about the Eldritch Horror’s effect on him, doing his best to explain the lack of control he really had on the creature. And it wasn’t the first time Klaus was silent in response. 

Ben’s back pressed even harder into Klaus’s chest, the soreness overshadowed by warmth, and his brother’s arms constricted around his middle, like a large belt holding the beast at bay. 

“I’ll stay until you can go back to sleep.” 

Ben nodded in return, closing his eyes.

~*~*~

When he woke again, it was dark outside and Klaus was shaking his shoulder, reminding him of the family meeting. Klaus seemed just as chipper as before and didn’t bring up their earlier conversation. He knew that if Ben was distracted, it was better for him to stay that way.

They attended the meeting, heard Five out despite a few rude interruptions here and there, and were introduced to the only piece of evidence he had; the glass eye. Even Ben was skeptical about it all until Vanya spoke up. 

He had never heard her speak for so long in front of all of their siblings. Sure, she would talk to them individually or in a small group, and never about anything as important as this. How could she? She wasn’t burdened with a power or forced onto dangerous missions. He was glad she was relieved from that pressure. He cared about Vanya a lot and he couldn’t imagine watching her be put in circumstances like that. 

Vanya said, “There are some things that are too hard to talk about - things that don’t need to be said out loud for us to believe him.”

That alone was enough for Ben. Vanya’s words resonated with him and he could see it shift something in all of them. They all had something in them that they couldn’t explain. Something they needed people to just _understand._

Ben knew that Vanya was for Five as Klaus was for him. Vanya gave him the strength he needed to carry on from whatever happened to him. Whenever Five glanced in her direction, Ben saw it. Five got that strength from her ability to understand without having to _really_ know. 

Ben was glad they could find that in each other. Seeing that interaction outside of himself and Klaus seemed to settle some disquiet he had about feeling that way. 

He took a breath, adjusting the blanket around his shoulders and called out, “I’m in.” 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? Is this a good idea or am I using it as an excuse to procrastinate writing on the larger work?? Definitely the second one. I think I just need a side project for when I'm feeling unmotivated. As much as I love Five and Vanya, it can get a little exhausting after almost 40 chapters. 
> 
> Give me some more ideas if you like this side-project! Was there a time in "He Came Back" or "NISTTC" that you wish you knew what the other sibs were thinking?? I would love to add more to this if people are interested! :))


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